The Forgiveness Prayer

"For most of my life I carried around a crippling burden of rage, frustration, resentment, judgement, distrust and negative expectations of others.  Over and over again life threw at me circumstances and people who aroused these feelings within me.  As I began to awaken I quickly realized that if I really wanted to live, I first needed to forgive. " - EmbracingProsperity By Changing Your Mind

People are hurting.  They hide their pain behind a polite smile, or comical cutting up.  They may be aloof, detached, arrogant or suspicious.  They may be critical, judgmental or aggressive.  They may simply wall their emotions off behind a blank stare.

Pain expresses itself in addiction, in promiscuity and infidelity, in food dependencies and body image issues.  Unresolved emotional pain colours every aspect of our day to day existence expressing in our relationships at work, at home, among friends and family and in the world. 

And most damaging is the pain that is not consciously expressed, the pain that we internalize which manifests itself in depression, anxiety and a wide variety of mental and physical ailments.

What if the point is not to hide your pain, not to deflect or ignore it but rather to be free of it?  What if your freedom lies in something as simple as forgiveness?

The Forgiveness Prayer

"Have you heard of the Hawaiian therapist who cured an entire ward of criminally insane patients, without ever meeting any of them or spending a moment in the same room? It’s not a joke. The therapist was Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. He reviewed each of the patients’ files, and then he healed them by healing himself. The amazing results seem like a miracle, but then miracles do happen when you use Ho’oponopono" - laughteronlineuniversity.com

I came across Ho’oponopono a year ago and it struck a chord with me.  I think one of the biggest challenges with forgiveness is waiting for the other person to not only apologize, but to do so in a way which seems authentic and heartfelt to us.  We want them to take responsibility and make amends.  Most of the time they won't.

"Total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility." - Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len

Ho’oponopono is based on the principle of accepting total responsibility for everything that happens in your lives.  If we start to think of ourselves as the owner of a situation and not the victim  then we lose the sense of powerlessness and we take control of the situation.  We also relieve ourselves of the burden of waiting and carrying the negative emotions as we do so.

Ho’oponopono allows us to set ourselves free, regardless of what the other party does.

I'm Sorry

"When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it." — Lewis B. Smedes

Have you ever considered the role you play in any situation in which you are wounded?  Yes there are situations in which you are simply an innocent bystander who gets carried away in a situation which is totally outside of your control but many times when we think we are the innocent victim of a situation, we are actually an active contributor.

What if instead of blaming the other person for our unpleasant experience, we simply take responsibility and say I'm sorry?

I've tried this in situations where I am convinced that I am absolutely 100%, unequivocally and and unquestionably right!  I've found that allowing myself to see the situation from the other person's perspective has significantly impacted the way I look at and feel about the situation.

Even if you can't imagine how you could possibly have any responsibility in the situation, try it.  Just say "I am sorry that I have done XXX to contribute to this situation" and genuinely mean it.

Please Forgive Me

"Because of forgiveness, we are not condemned endlessly to replay the conflicts of the past and that is why forgiveness is logically and psychologically related to hope."—Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

Do you have the grace to ask the person who wronged you to forgive you?  Can you genuinely feel remorse and a heartfelt need to make things right?   Are you able to step out of your own pain long enough to say 'forgive me'?

I have developed a fair bit of tolerance over the years for the shortcomings of others. I may still get angry but I am usually able to take responsibility and move to a place of making amends fairly quickly.  It has enabled me to develop peace in my heart with respect to my expectations of other people.  I am better able to simply accept them as they are, taking the good, the bad and the ugly as part of the package and choosing to love them anyway.

"I am sorry for making you feel unworthy, please forgive me for my harsh words..."

I Love You

“If forgiveness is an expression of love..forgiveness does not depend upon the apology of the other.” - Anantanand Rambachan

I love you.  I've always loved people, but now I am learning to be more loving toward people.  I'm learning to say "You have let me down and I'm disappointed, but I love you".

I love you is powerful concept and applicable to all situations.  I'm learning to love the business associates who short-change me and the people who take me for granted or take advantage.  I'm learning to love the bullies.  I'm learning to love the inept souls who can't seem to do anything right.  I'm learning to say it and I'm learning to live it.

Sometimes all you need to diffuse a tough situation is "I'm sorry, I love you, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm sorry, I love you...".  If you just keep repeating these words to yourself you may be surprised to see the situation resolve itself with no further action on your part.

Thank You

"Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you.  And when you look, do it with love."- Dr Joe Vitale

"I thank you for trying", "I thank you for being you", "I thank you, just because...".  I believe gratitude is an important part of forgiveness because when we are upset with someone we tend to forget everything that is good about them.  In that moment when you are most grieved, if you can manage to think of all the things about the other person that you can be grateful for, then you may find that your gratitude outweighs your hurt.

Forgiving Yourself

"Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world." - Dr Joe Vitale

Forgiving is ultimately about loving.  It is about loving others and it is about loving ourselves also.  There are days when my body is in pain and I can find no peace, then I place my hand on wherever's hurting and I say "I love you my beautiful body, I am so sorry for whatever I have done to contribute to your pain, please forgive me.  Thank you for working so hard to heal".  It is a very comforting ritual.

There are days you need to do Ho’oponopono on your heart to release all the hurt you're carrying around and to free yourself from guilt, shame, resentment and anger.  There are days you need to do Ho’oponopono on your mind to release negative expectations, distrust and insecurity.

Try it.  Try it with your spouse, with your children, with friends.  Try it with the guy who cut you off in traffic, or the a!!hole at work.  The power of this process has to be experienced to be understood.

"Forgiveness has to be repeated, the bible says seventy times seven." - Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind

Don't forget that hearts and minds don't heal overnight.  You may not be able to change a situation right away but what you can do is take responsibility for you.  Do your Ho’oponopono practice daily, be diligent and remain open.  You just may be pleasantly surprised by the result.

Inspiration Links

* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to here.  The messages presented are in alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I hope that they will inspire you too.

Ho'oponopono : Dr Joe Vitale 

Consider Forgiveness: Sin, Sinner and Apology - Fetzer Institute

Author’s note

This post is inspired by Chapter Four of my book Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind – Forgive.  I hope to persuade you that forgiveness is the most important step you can take to change your life by changing your mind.  

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I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it.  May this be the year that you begin to shed your baggage and reclaim your life.