When The Pain Runs Too Deep To Heal

Cause I'm a warrior

Now I've got thicker skin

I'm a warrior

I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor, is made of steel, you cant get in

I'm a warrior

And you can never hurt me again

- Warrior : Demi Lovato

As I was working, the song 'Warrior' by Demi Lovato was playing on my computer.  The words immediately took me back to a familiar place, and I knew I had to write, for all the women who have been victims of abuse of any kind, but in particular the many, too many,  who deal with the stigma of sexual abuse...

This Is A Story That I Have Never Told

This is a story that I've never told

I gotta get this off my chest to let it go

I don't know that there is any atrocity which can be committed against a woman that cuts more deeply than sexual abuse.   We're taught not to talk about it.  Many are taught that this is normal, it is our lot as women to be used and abused by the men in our lives. 

We are taught to be ashamed of it and to somehow hold ourselves responsible. We learn that we are weak, powerless, unlovable and unworthy.  We reach out for help and support and we find out that our sisters and mothers can be even more cruel than our abusers.

We are labeled, blamed and shamed, so we keep quiet.  We pick up the pieces as best we can and we try to move forward, but the truth is most of us never do, we just spend our lives going in circles, reliving the pain over and over again.

Healing begins with talking about it.  You have to get it off your chest to let it go.  But talking is just the beginning.

All The Pain And The Truth I Wear Like A Battle Wound

All the pain and the truth

I wear like a battle wound

So ashamed so confused, I was broken and bruised

I have often wondered at the cosmic irony of the fact that people who are abused tend to attract partners who abuse them.  So many wounded women fall for their prince charming who they think are the opposite to their abusers, only to find out that they went out and with unerring accuracy found the man who would cause them to relive their pain over and over.  It hardly seems fair.

I often hear males say they are not interested in getting involved with a woman who has 'baggage'.  I keep thinking, what is an abused woman to do?  Likely she had no control over her abuse, she was a victim and yet she's forced to pay for it for the rest of her life.

But I can understand the male perspective.  Wounded women wear their scars like a coat of armor.  This armor though is brittle, it cracks easily and when it does the woman within becomes a she-devil.  

She may be aggressive and temperamental, jealous, possessive and violent. She might be controlling, obsessive or prone to addiction.  She might be moody and unpredictable taking everyone around her with her into spirals of anxiety and depression.  She may have difficulty enjoying intimacy with her partner or even in forming intimate relationships at all.

Truth is, a wounded woman is only tolerable to a man who himself has issues.

There's A Part Of Me I Can't Get Back

There's a part of me I can't get back

A little girl grew up too fast

All it took was once, I'll never be the same

I wonder if a woman ever truly heals from sexual abuse.  Many rise above it, they strap on their armor and take the world by storm, they build businesses, they have families, they make homes.  But in the stillness of the night when they are alone with their demons, the wounds reopen and they bleed.

When a woman is sexually abused she loses a piece of herself.  Religion doesn't get it back.  Success, money, beauty even love does not get it back. Nobody can ever give it back, it's gone, forever.  

Our little girls are forced to grow up too fast and they never grow up at all.  We go on, but a part of our spirit remains trapped in that place, scared, hurt, betrayed, confused, lost.

I Need To Take Back The Light Inside You Stole

I need to take back the light inside you stole

You're a criminal

And you steal like you're a pro

When that little piece of a woman dies all too often her light goes with it.  She loses her sense of self, she struggles to find her direction, her place, her value.  
How many young girls try to find themselves in the back seats, under the bleachers and in the beds of too many men to count.  How many grope around in darkness trying only to escape their pain through drugs, self abuse and accepting abuse form others.  How many spend their lives trying to be perfect on the outside because on the inside they feel so irreparably broken?

To my abused sisters you need to take back the light they stole, it may be buried but it's not out.  As you learn to peel back the layers of your pain and to heal, you'll find your light glowing hopefully, just waiting for the opportunity to shine forth strong and true.

Out Of The Ashes,  I'm Burning Like A Fire

Out of the ashes,I'm burning like a fire

You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar

As women we go through so much, we take so much and still we keep going. That is because the spirit of woman is indomitable.

We were built to be resilient, we were made strong.  So often abuse leaves us feeling absolutely powerless and this is something we believe for the rest of our lives, but it's not true!

We are powerful enough to have had our bodies violated, our hearts broken and our spirits destroyed and the flames just made us tougher.

Out of your ashes, let your flame ignite and let it burn bright enough to light a path for those who come behind you.  Let its heat be felt.  Transmute your pain.  Take the energy, the passion and the rage and direct it towards creating an environment in which what happened to you does not happen to your daughters, to your neighbors, to your friends.

Out of your ashes, burn baby, burn!

Now I'm Taking Back My Life Today

Now I'm taking back my life today

Nothing left that you can say

Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway

Your abuser cannot give your life back to you.  They can never take back what they have done.  They may say sorry and it may help, but likely it won't.  Most abusers will never comprehend  the enormity of the grievous sin which they committed against you.  

They may never understand the destruction of your heart and mind and spirit that they caused.  They may never comprehend the many ways in which the cascade they started will keep bringing pain into your life over and over again.

They may watch you fall apart and judge you for becoming who they made you into and they won't understand your pain.  They don't get it, they can't.  Most will never be able to see past their excuses and rationalizations and most will never admit to themselves or to you that they have committed a grievous and unforgettable crime.

So we must learn to take our lives back, no apologies needed. Whatever they think, feel or have to say is irrelevant.  Get up, pick up the pieces, put them together and tape up the seams, then start moving forward.  Rise above it, don't spend the rest of your life trapped in it.

I'm A Survivor

I've got shame, I've got scars

That I'lll never show

I'm a survivor

In more ways than you know

You are a survivor.  Someone took from you one of your most precious gifts and it hurt.  It cut deep and it left behind nasty scars that refuse to heal up completely no matter how hard you try. 

Maybe you're not standing on a very firm foundation right now.  Maybe your life is a mess and your head is a mess and your heart is a mess and you know it.  But you're still standing.  You are stronger than you know.  You are a warrior.

I'm A Warrior, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

And my armor, is made of steel, you cant get in

I'm a warrior

And you can never hurt me again

It's time to stand up and proclaim, "I'm a warrior, now I've got thicker skin, I'm a warrior,  I'm stronger than I've ever been and my armor is made of steel, you can't get in, I'm a warrior!  You can never hurt me again".

The person who hurt you did not hurt you back then.. he hurt you yesterday, he's hurting you today, he will hurt you tomorrow, and the next tomorrow and the next.. unless you take away his power to hurt you again.

Taking away his power is twofold.  

First you have to get out!  If you are still in an abusive situation you need to get out.  You may not be able to do it today, but you can start thinking about it.  You can start planning, getting information, making contacts.  You can start avoiding, or diffusing.  You can start preparing.  Your most important act in this moment is to determine that you will not allow your abuser to hurt you again.  If you remain true to this determination, the doors you need will open, believe in it, prepare and be ready to move when the time is right.

Sometimes getting out is the easy part.  Then you have to get him out of your head, out of your body, out of your heart, out of your spirit.  We carry our wounds in every dimension of our being and purging ourselves is often a long and painful process.  Know though that it can be done.  Never give up on your healing, be relentless in pursuing your health, wholeness and happiness.  

The first step toward healing is forgiveness.  It is the hardest thing to do when you have been so grievously wounded but you will never, ever be free until you master forgiveness.  You must forgive your abuser, you must forgive those who knew and did nothing, you must forgive yourself.

In my book 'Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind' I have several chapters dedicated to releasing and purging your pain.  It speaks about forgiveness, about facing your pain, about handling it and about releasing it.  
Read, seek professional intervention, talk, pray, weep!  Process your pain.  Don't run from it, don't cover it over, don't deprecate it or discount it.  Honor it and honor yourself, and learn to let it go.  Then go one step forward by helping someone else.

Remember, you are strong.  You are unbreakable. You are a warrior!

Inspiration Link 

* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to here.  The messages presented are in alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I hope that they will inspire you too.

Demi Lovato - Warrior

"If you’re an adult who experienced sexual abuse as a child, know that you are not alone. In the U.S., 44% of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18, and 93% know the perpetrator. Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are in a position of trust or responsible for the child’s care, such as a family member, teacher, clergy member, or coach." - RAINN

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network - Adult Survivors

Author’s Note

This post is inspired by Section 2 of my book Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind – Release The Negative.  I dedicate several chapters to the issue of healing because it is the most important part of changing your mind.   I hope to persuade you that your pain can heal, you can be free, you can be happy, you can prosper no matter what has happened in your past.

In the book I walk you through activities and exercises to help you through the process of coming to terms with and releasing your pain.  I also point you to professional interventions which may also be helpful.

It would be my pleasure to share a free gift with you, if you would like to receive an excerpt from my book just click here  with subject "I want a free gift", be sure to include today's topic.

If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you would spread the word and like me on Facebook.  I would be so happy to email this and future posts directly to you, if you're interested please subscribe to my mailing list. You may also follow me on Twitter  #ProsperityIsMind.

I would also be delighted to hear your feedback so do not hesitate to leave a comment if you so desire and be sure to come back for more as I walk you through some of the lessons and exercises from my book.

I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it.  May this be the year that you begin to find healing.