Living The FACEBOOK Life

“Life is wonderful, people are great, business is terrific!”

Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all lived the life that we portray on Facebook?  Ah the wonderful relationships, the wonderful toys, the adventures, the vacations, the celebrations...

Life on Facebook is one big party, it’s always good, always prosperous, always fulfilling in every way.

On Facebook we are all healthy and happy and we have the world at our feet.  On Facebook we’re always looking good, feeling good, having wonderful relationships and doing amazing things in our life.

On Facebook we’re strong and wise and supportive. We are wonderful friends, family, partners, workers and community members.  On Facebook we are caring and giving and righteous and good.

On Facebook everyone is living the good life.

Ah wouldn’t it be nice...

Create Your Story

“The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are, the second greatest is being happy with what you find”. – rishikajain

Living the Facebook life starts with selecting the story that you wish to project.  So many people have no idea who they are in the real world but on Facebook they have amazing personas.

Shy people become bubbly and outgoing on Facebook, or so it seems.  Depressed people become the life of the party and the broke and broken down live like kings and queens.

Ah wouldn’t it be nice...

Why not?

Curate The Details

“It is up to you to see the beauty of everyday things”. 

Living the Facebook life is all about curating carefully the portions of your life that you choose to expose to the world at large.

How many a gushing anniversary greeting was written just before or after a massive fight.  Your husband is chilling at his girlfriend’s, reading your effusive expressions of how wonderful a husband he is and he’s wondering who wrote this,   because he’s never met the Facebook you.

What if you could be that person though?

What about the kids?  The lazy, no-good, dirty-dishes-in-the-sink, youtube-all-day, driving-you-out-of-your-mind kids.  The same kids on Facebook are the most wonderful blessings in your life, they are gorgeous, smart, accomplished and a joy from the day they were born.  

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could view our children every single day with your Facebook lenses on ?

What if you could see yourself with your Facebook lenses on?  

Forget the thousands of ‘fat’ pictures you delete without a second glance.  There’s the one picture which was taken..trick of light, blessing from God but in this one picture you are looking slim and trim and fabulous. That one is going on Facebook for sure!

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could look into the mirror each day and see the person in that picture?

The person laughing with friends, the person taking center-stage, the person helping others, the person growing and flourishing and thriving and happy every single day of life?

Wouldn’t it be nice?

Eliminate The Downside

“Because when you stop and look around life is pretty amazing.”

On Facebook the downside does not exist.  Only a few, driven to the point of desperation have the guts to admit to the world that something might be broken in their lives.  The rest keep focus on the positive and pretend the negative does not exist. 

Every now and then the righteous who have overcome, will come out and mention in retrospect the challenge that they went through.  Because in that context it is a sign of bravery, of strength, the challenge seen is retrospect is reason for applause.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could actually look at life in that way?

What if you busted your bum working overtime and stretching every dollar so you could have your dream vacation.  And you get to the gorgeous hotel you booked on the internet and find it's a dump and your room has a view of the parking lot, would you post that to Facebook?  heck no, you worked your ass off and maxed out your credit cards..you're going to find something GOOD to post!

So you walk down the street and notice a beautiful garden, now that's better ..click.  Perhaps the hotel restaurant has beautiful place settings, the food sucks but the settings are a  photo op .. click.  Perhaps you forget the hotel altogether and load tons of pics of your family just having a good time together ..click, click, click.

What if you could experience life just life that, scrupulously looking out for the beautiful moments and dismissing the rest?

Wouldn't that be nice...

Live The Dream

“There is no reality other than that which is perceived.” – E Hicks

What if we could live in real life as we live on Facebook?  

What if we could choose to see only the very best in everyone around us, including ourselves?

What if we could be effusive in our praise and unstinting in our appreciation of ourselves and of others?

What if we could see only the glamour, the reward, the amazing perks in our jobs, what if that awareness was bigger than the boss you hate, the horrible hours and the lousy pay?

What if we could bless every day of our marriages and give thanks for the wonderful relationships which are in our lives?  

What if we saw in our friends only the faithfulness, the grace and the wonderful gift that they are in our lives?

What if in every circumstance we saw only the best of it?  You know .. like the parts you post?

“We see it, take from it that which we desire and immediately turn our attention to that which we prefer” 

You see my friend it is possible to live the Facebook life.  The key lies in the way that you choose to experience your not-so-perfect life. 

In reality every single soul among us experiences hardship, struggle, challenge and trials in life.  Whether it is home or family or money or health or work or community or our own perception of ourselves, every one of us has to face the downside of life at one point or other.

Every one of us, every single time, have the option to choose how we interpret our lives and what we choose to focus on. 

And as we shift our focus, we shift our experience.

Wouldn’t that be nice...

"Life is like a camera

Focus on what’s important

Capture the good times

Develop from the negatives

And if things don’t work out...

Take another shot."

Author’s note

This post is inspired by my book Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind .  If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you would spread the word and like my author page on Facebook.  You may also follow me on Twitter #ProsperityIsMind or check out my website www.prosperityismind.com

I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it. 

As You Give, You Will Receive

"Do onto others as you would have them do onto you" - the Golden Rule

You Are Energy

As children we are taught the law of Karma, "what you do comes back to you".  Well, I figured that I would be set for life because I am a good person.  I have always looked out for people, defended the underdog, extended a helping hand.  I have always shared generously and really just want the best for everyone around me.

But somehow, for some reason that is not what life gave back to me.  People betrayed me, they let me down, they left me hanging when I needed them most.   I came to the realization that I was in some way attracting these things to myself, I did not know how I was doing it but I could see it clearly.  The golden rule did not seem to be working for me.

Psychology tells me that those who are victimized form deep patterns of programming in their mind which attracts more of the same to themselves.  So a child who is abused often attracts abusive partners, one who was ill attracts further illness and most who grow up in poverty remain poor for life.  I looked around me and I look at my own life and I could see the truth in this.

I prayed many times to God, ‘how can you allow this, surely this cannot be fair?’ I set out to prove that I could live the life I desired, not the life that was prescribed based on my past experience.  I tried valiantly to live above my past and somehow the life I worked so hard to build always seemed to fall apart.

Then I came across the concept of the Law Of Attraction,  "like attracts like".  This immediately made sense to me.  The other truth which immediately resonated with me is "we are energetic beings, an extension of Source energy".

"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." - Genesis 2 : 7

My bible tells me that I am the very breath of God, that I am the light of the world,  that I am in God and God in me.  God promised to send His spirit to dwell in me.  God in me is energy.  I am energy.

I am not one to accept the mumbo jumbo spouted by every Tom, Dick and Harry that passes by, nor am I content to absorb what I am spoonfed by any particular religion, doctrine or creed.  I believe in God and I believe in the wisdom of God in me.  I believe that I am guided to wisdom, knowledge and truth.  So even though I approached some of these theories with a healthy dose of skepticism, certain truths resonated with me.

I am energy. 

I have always been a powerful energy, people respond when I walk into a room.  People become excited and motivated and happy or they become disgruntled, dissatisfied, frustrated or angry.

My energetic vibration became clear to me in my work life.  I love my work, I love the people and have such great concern for their well-being.  Yet people responded to me with intimidation, distrust and dislike.  People turned on me, people betrayed me, people rejected me.  It was devastating because I was doing everything I could to be good to people but I could see clearly that they were not receiving what I was trying to give.

Then I realized.  The energy I project is not tied to my intention, to my goodwill or to my desire.  My energy is tied to that which is strongest in my deepest, darkest places.  What was strongest in me was pain, frustration, resentment, betrayal, fear, distrust and despair.  And the world responded in kind.

What You Give Out Comes Back To You

What you give out you will receive. What you give out you will receive.  What you give out you will receive.  Give love, give compassion, give tolerance, give goodwill, give peace, give hope, give joy, give forgiveness, give grace.

But giving does not come from action.  Deepak Chopra says “the most powerful forms of giving are non-material”.  

You give of your energy.  You give of your heart.  You give of your spirit.  And blessed God energy cannot flow from a corrupted source.  So in order to give positive energy you must be feeling and experiencing positive energy within yourself.

Make a daily practice of releasing all that is negative within yourself.  Inherited fears and insecurities, childhood wounds, collected scars.. let go of anger, let go of fear, let go of resentment, let go of guilt, let go of shame, let of revenge, let go of spite, let go of malice, let go of judgement, let go of criticism .. let it go.  Let it go.  Forgive those who have hurt you, forgive yourself, forgive the universe. 

And having surrendered all the negative energy inside of you, open yourself to receiving.. faith, hope, joy, peace, love.  Hold those feelings in your heart and feel them permeate every fibre of your being. Now you are ready to give.

 

You are energy.  Your energy is not what you want it to be, not even what you intend.  Your energy is the balance of your deepest thoughts, feelings, emotions and expectations.  Your energy cannot be both positive and negative, it is whichever is strongest within your heart, your spirit, your soul.

You can only give of what you have within you and as you give, you will receive.

Life Teaches You Who You Are

My life has had its share of challenges, and it has taught me some very important lessons:

I have learned that I am God energy and I cannot be separated from the Source of all that is.

I went through a horrible period in my life where I felt I had lost everything.  All that was most precious to me was taken from me and I felt absolute abandonment and separation from God.  

For months I walked through my own personal hell, lost and in despair,  then I woke up one day and realized that I had survived it.  And that I had never been alone.  Even when I was unable to feel God, to believe in Him or to hold on to Him, I was never alone.  I could not be separated from God for God is the very breath of life within me.

I have learned that we are all God energy in physical form and every form is perfect.

Wouldn't it be lovely to see God only in all people?  In the crack-head lying in his own filth on the sidewalk, in the prostitute turning tricks, in the murderer in prison, in your cheating husband or the crooked cop.. The Yogis say "Namaste" which means "I bow to the God in you" or “the divine in me honors the divine in you”.   

Seeing and honoring the God in the other person requires you to let go of criticism, of judgement, of intolerance.  It requires you to let go of your expectations of others and to stop projecting your own fears and insecurities onto them.

I think we are trained to judge each other unfavorably.  We do it automatically.  Very young children do not do it, they love and accept everyone unconditionally.  But then they get to school, they start learning the rules and our little angels start to turn on each other viciously.  You're fat, you're ugly, you're too small, you're too stupid, you're black, you're yellow...on and on it goes.

Have you ever sat in church and watched a sister walk up to the altar and this is what goes through your mind .."what is she thinking?  Does she not see that that skirt is too short?  Is she trying to cause the pastor to sin?".  Admit it.  You're in the house of God, tearing your sister down.  What you should be thinking is that this is another blessed God spirit, just like yourself who is here trying to connect to the source of all that is.  You should walk down to the altar, take your sister's hand and bless her.

But our halos are still at the shop, so we have to work at it.  I recently started the process of noticing my own thoughts as I am out and about in the world.  I was shocked at the many critical thoughts that stream through my mind.  I am quick to notice the tacky wig, the too heavy makeup, the too tight skirt or the too short shorts.  I don't miss the hanging beer belly, the cruddy toenails, the dirty clothes or the tattered shoes.  All so superficial.  All so meaningless.  All so mean.

So now when I notice a critical thought I stop, I focus on the person and I find something about them that I can compliment.  I compliment them and I bless them.  I do this mostly in my mind but every now  and then I voice the compliment to the person and I watch them light up with joy.  That makes me happy too.

I have learned that I am the creator of my reality.

I recently reconnected with my biological mother who walked out when I was an infant.  I had had a few interactions with her in my life and she let me down every time.  I didn't want much to do with her, could not see how she could be of any value in my life.  She came back into my life at a time when I needed her desperately, she was open, she was persistent she was genuinely trying.  But I needed help.  I needed real, physical, tangible help and she was not offering.

Once again she disappointed me.  Once again I closed the door.  But I have grace working inside of me.  I'm learning, I'm growing, so I decided to accept her simply as she is, expecting nothing, releasing the failures of the past and holding no pre-conditions for the future.  Funny enough, when I stopped bitching about my circumstances and projecting negative energy all over her, she stepped forward and offered the help that I needed with no prompting on my part.

I had created a different reality simply by changing the way I was responding to her and to my circumstances.  That has played out over and over again in my experience as I walk this new walk, my relationships are healing, people are extending loving energy towards me and are giving rather than taking.

I am the same loving heart that I have always been but I am different.  I am breaking through the wall of negative energy that had always surrounded my heart.  I'm beginning to glow with the light of divinity within me.  And the world glows with me.

God Wants Only The Best For You

"Do you understand how beloved you are?  How blessed you are? How adored you are, and what an integral part of the creative process you are?" - Abraham Hicks

Do you understand who you are?

I have always lived with tremendous duality within myself.  My heritage from a dysfunctional childhood was depression, resentment, mistrust and an angry spirit.  But I have always known that I am a spirit of joy.  I am a spirit of wonder, creativity, adventure, curiosity, laughter, love, compassion, grace...

Even as I write the words joy wells up inside of me.  I know who I am!

And I'm not in any way special or blessed above anyone else.  We are all children of boundless compassion, benevolence and grace.  We are all children of God.  We are all born into a legacy of abundance, of joy, of blessing and of grace.  Every single one of us.  And we are all worthy.

"We are here to help you remember the powerful nature that is you; and to assist you in returning to that confident, joyful, always-looking-for-something-else-wonderful-to-turn-your-attention-to person that is you" - Abraham Hicks : Ask And It Shall Be Given

Author’s note

This post is inspired by my upcoming book I Speak Prosperity.  I hope that you will learn to accept yourself as a blessed child of God and allow that energy to be your gift to the world.

If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you would spread the word and like my author page on Facebook.  You may also follow me on Twitter #ProsperityIsMind or check out my website www.prosperityismind.com

I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it. 

Inspiration Link

* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to here.  The messages presented are in alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I hope that they will inspire you too.

My inspiration this week comes from a plethora of books.  As I write I am reading:

·        Ask And It Is Given : Abraham Hicks
·        7 Spiritual Laws of Success : Deepak Chopra

All Wounded Warriors, Please Step Forward

I've been through a lot. I've experienced a lot. I have survived a lot.  And I'm still standing.  Well, some days I may be reduced to a groveling heap just hanging on by a thread.. but I make it through those days.  Somehow I always find my feet.

I'm writing another book.  This is not like my first book which is all about hope and sunshine and living your best life.  My second book is about suffering.  It's about walking through the darkness and coming through it without becoming a monster yourself.

Because many wounded warriors are monsters.  You're not a monster because your leg has been shot off and half your face is blasted away.  You are a monster because your heart is frozen.  You live in a place where pain is your norm and you pass that on to everyone with whom you come into contact.

Most of us do not want to hurt the ones we love.  We don't want to break their hearts or betray their trust.  We do not want to let them down and hurt their feelings.  We do not want to be the cause of their tears.  But we are.

And we want to change so badly but we don't know how.  

I can tell you from expereince, that no matter how open you are to the process, no matter how willing you are to learn or how badly you want to succeed, you do not stand a snowball’s chance in hell of success until you stop spewing your shit all over everyone else. 

It stinks, its disgusting and nobody wants to be around it.  You have to own it and you have to take responsibility for cleaning it up.

Quit Controlling

We wounded warriors have earned a certain level of respect just by surviving.  Given what we have been through, we are deserving of respect and honor for just being here and being somewhat sane.

We took up our shields when we needed to and sometimes we can’t put them back down because we never again, EVER want to feel the helplessness and the vulnerability that we have felt before.  So we suit ourselves up in armor so thick that it keeps out the good as well as the ill.  We become unapproachable, incomprehensible and in some ways unlovable.  We don’t mean to, it’s not what we want .. but we just can’t put our shields down.

What does your armor look like?  Are you the perfectionist workaholic who lives for the security that money and power can provide?  Are you wearing the ‘stepford wife’ armor?  Your hair is perfect, your weight is perfect, your clothes are perfect, your home is perfect, your kids are perfect...you’re driving yourself and everyone else around you crazy in your attempt to make your entire world perfect.

Is your armor rebellion and dysfunction? “I am who I am, I don’t give a shit what you think. F!@#  You!”  So you drink and you dope and you binge and you sleep around.  Being out of control is your way of maintaining control because if you bring the crap onto yourself then you’re not so much of a victim, you can tell yourself that you deserved it.  And that makes sense to you.

“Let go of the shore and let the water carry you” – Karen Drucker

Once when I was very young we were at the beach and I fell into the water.  I remember the sense of panic as I fought helplessly against the waves.  I kicked and flailed with all my might but I kept going under.  The salt water seared my lungs and poked daggers into my eyes and the cruel waves were like chains on my arms and legs, inexorably pulling me under.  Finally I gave in and stopped fighting, I just surrendered to the waves.  Then an amazing thing happened.  The water took my limp body and pushed it upward and the gentle waves carried me to the shore.

It’s hard for us to surrender control because deep down we see the world as a hostile place and if we relinquish control we expose ourselves to unthinkable horrors.  But on that day in my childhood I discovered that the same ocean which in one moment was this terrifying force bent on destroying me, that same ocean buoyed me up and bore me to safety.  All I needed to do was surrender. 

You have to stop struggling against life and trying to control every part of it.  Life is like the ocean, the more you fight it the more you drown.  But if you can learn to surrender, if you can learn to trust your own innate buoyancy, then the waves just might carry you to safety.

Ditch Defensiveness

A warrior’s armor may seem to be as thick as a rhino’s hide but there’s a little known secret that the warriors hide very well.  Our armour is as fragile as eggshells and people break through many times causing tremendous hurt in the process.  When we fight back we do so much damage that people are blinded to the cracks in our armor.

One of my favorite Dr Phil quotes is “Do you want to be right or do you want to be successful”.  There are many variations.. “do you want to be right or do you want to be married?”, “do you want to be right or do you want a relationship with your child”, “do you want to be right or do you want your job?”

We’re always looking for the dangers lurking in our environment.  Some of us actively go hunting , trying to get them before they get us.  Others stay put with shields raised, repelling every threat as effectively as we can.  Regardless of our approach we have one thing in common.

If you’re a wounded warrior, you are defensive.  Period.

Stop defending it, stop denying it, stop deflecting, dominating and doing everything in your power to divert attention from it.  Own your shit.  Then heal it.

Park the Paranoia

“My dad used to say, 'You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did.” – Dr Phil

As Warriors our senses are highly attuned to danger, we see it coming where other people are impervious.  Our hackles rise and we go into fight or flight mode, we strike out or we duck for cover.  And others look on thinking “what the heck?”.

I have persons close to me who live with real life full on paranoia.  I have tried to be sensitive to their struggles and to love through it but I have also ended up badly bruised from getting in caught in the wake their madness.  Because paranoid people genuinely live an an alternate reality.  You cannot tell them that the things they see and feel and experience are not valid because it is very real to them.

Psychology speaks of perception “the way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted”.  We all go through life with a filter on our vision.  Some people have rose colored filters which make the world a happy and accommodating place, others have clear filters which allow them to have a fairly balanced vision of reality.  Wounded warriors’ filters often act like blinders, they simply cannot perceive reality as it actually is.

“We often confuse perception with reality. That is, we mistake how we understand things for the way that they really are.  Our thoughts and feelings seem real to us, so we conclude that they must be true.” -liveboldandbloom.com

Metaphysicians tell us that the things we perceive as being solid actually aren’t.  Scientists such as Albert Einstien and John Von Neumann have proven that objects which we perceive as solid actually are all just energy.  And energy is mutable.  So mutable that it can actually be changed into something else just through the expectation of the observer.

It is important for wounded warriors to understand that reality is multi-dimensional.  It is complex and it is fluid.  It is not black and white.  It is not absolute.  It is probably not what you perceive it to be.

Surrender Self-Pity

“There is no practice more degrading, debasing, and soul- destroying than that of self-pity.  Cast it out from you. While such a canker is feeding upon your heart you can never expect to grow into a fuller life.”  – James Allen

One of the ironies of life is that the people who do cause the most hurt to others are often the ones who spend the most time feeling sorry for themselves.

Yes, you’ve been kicked in the teeth, knocked down and run over.  Yes you’ve been neglected, abused, betrayed and hurt.  We get it.  Can you please stop throwing it at us ALL the time!

Have you allowed the challenges in your life to define who you are?  One interesting characteristic of the human state is that intense suffering can bring out the worst in us and it can bring out the best in us.

Another immutable truth is that suffering is universal.  We all experience it at some point in our journey.  Suffering visits us through childhood dysfunction and trauma,  through wars and political instability.  Suffering comes to us as hunger, as empty bank accounts, as calloused hands and aching backs.  Suffering comes to us as children who die and parents who forget who we are.  Suffering comes in the form of cancer and HIV AIDS.  Suffering visits us as accidents and injuries and sudden twists of fate that change the very fabric of life as we know it.

Suffering visits all or us.

But some of us hold onto suffering as our badge of honor.  We make it our identity.  We wake up everyday, pick up our suffering and go into the world painting it all over everyone and everything that we come into contact with.  And in doing so we become the cause of someone else’s suffering.

You do not have the right to make your misery everyone else’s problem.  You do not have license to go out into the world and be an asshole. You do not have the right to hurt others because you are hurting inside.  Get over yourself. 

Vacate Victimhood

“The problem that we have with a victim mentality is that we forget to see the blessings of the day. Because of this, our spirit is poisoned instead of nourished.” 

- Steve Maraboli

There is a fascinating connection between victimhood and martyrdom.  Many who see themselves as victims put themselves into positions where they can be victimized.  Or they unconsciously take on all the burdens of those around them and make martyrs of themselves.

Now if like Mother Teresa you are called to self-sacrifice and you embrace that as your gift to the world then you have my utmost admiration.  But I have no tolerance for the martyrs who take on the role then spend all their time telling the world about it.  And the funny thing about these martyrs is that if you try to ease their situation you will come under attack, because you are trying to remove from them the thing which is most important to them.. their victimhood.

“Manipulators often play the victim role by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pity or sympathy or to evoke compassion and thereby get something from another”. - Wikipedia

Stop bitching about everybody else and what they’ve done to you and start cleaning up your own shit yourself.  The only person who can make you a victim is you.

Author’s note

As I penned the headline for this post I was struck by the irony of it.  I may be asking people to do things that they are literally not capable of doing.  I believe in the indomitable human spirit and I believe in our ability to make the impossible possible.

This post is inspired by my upcoming book Baggage Reclaim.  Sometimes before we can Embrace Prosperity, we have to clear out the smelly stuff first.  My message today is we create our realities and if we are mindful of the trail we leave behind, we just may manage to experience the reality that we desire.

If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you would spread the word and like my author page on Facebook.  I would be so happy to email this and future posts directly to you, if you're interested please subscribe to my mailing list.  You may also follow me on Twitter #ProsperityIsMind or check out my website www.prosperityismind.com

I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it.  I pray this is your time to stand as a warrior, made wiser by your wounds but not crippled by them.

Inspiration Links

* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to here.  The messages presented are in alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I hope that they will inspire you too.

6 Steps ToUntangle Reality And Perception 

The BAWLS Model-Victim Behavior 

I Speak, Therefore I Am

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

We women are complex emotional creatures.  We give a lot, we take a lot, we sacrifice a lot and we feel a lot.  Nothing is more critical to the way we feel than the way in which we speak to ourselves.  The way that we are feeling within projects outwards into our realities.  We are powerful creators and we literally change our realities based on what we tell ourselves.

"In a 2013 study from the Netherlands, scientists watched women with anorexia walk through doorways in a lab. The women, they noticed, turned their shoulders and squeezed sideways, even when they had plenty of room." - npr.org

I have been in situations in which I was convinced that particular person(s) were out to get me. Day after day I would see the concrete evidence that they were doing their best to undermine, discredit and demean me.  I always wondered why others did not seem to see it as clearly as I did.  It took witnessing other people displaying the same level of insecurity, bordering on paranoia for me to recognize what was happening.  I recognized that whenever I had this experience I was going through a phase where my confidence was faltering.  My own insecurities were weaving the story and when I needed an evil nemesis I always found one.  The things I was telling myself about myself were creating my reality.

The horribly cruel things we say to ourselves are too many and too frequent and they are crippling to us.  It is time to start reframing the messages we give to ourselves.

 I AM Enough

“She shushed those negative voices so she could hear her Queen voice say, you are enough. “– queenofyourownlife.com

Do women come into this world with the "I am not enough" gene?  is it encoded in the X chromosome?  If asked, almost every woman in existence can rattle off 5 - 10 ways in which she is not enough.  Not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not competent enough, not loved enough, not married enough...

It seems we are programmed to take our identities and worth from external factors, from our parents, our husbands, our friends, our jobs, our homes, our children, our looks...  Seems that if all these things are not perfect then we immediately get a big 'FAIL!' on our woman card.  And it is never all perfect.  Life never is.  

I Am Worthy

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

It’s so easy for men.  All we ask of them is that they bring home enough money to take care of the family, show up at home every now and then and keep their penis in their pants.  We would love for them to be clever, kind, considerate, loyal, responsible and good looking but the truth is most of us accept that these things are options.  We're willing to take almost anything from the man we give our heart to.

So why are we so intolerant of ourselves?

Why do we expect ourselves to hold down a job, keep a perfect home, raise perfect kids, keep our man happy, be the rock for friends and family AND look like a runway model while we're doing it?  Why are we working so hard to feel worthy?

Truth is if the beds are unmade and you're serving take-out you are worthy.  If you're packing some extra pounds and you've never had a manicure you are worthy.  If the kids are brats and your marriage is a mess you are worthy.

Because your worth does not depend on any of these things.  You are worthy just because you are.

I Am Loving, I am Lovable, I am Loved

"The true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows." - Audrey Hepburn

We were engineered  to carry, birth, nurture, protect and care.  We are wired to inter-connect, empathize and support.  We are the very embodiment of love in human form.  Why do so many women not feel this?

I know some of us are wounded and in order to cover our vulnerability we sometimes shut down parts of our 'womanness'. But even at our most broken we can't help but be lovable because we were created to be love.

Is it any mistake that men are so powerfully stimulated by our physical form?  The female form with its beautiful curves and the comfort of its softness was created to be loved, because it is inherently lovely.

You are lovely, you are loving, you are lovable.. you cannot help but be loved.

I Am Beautiful

"Instead of saying, 'My abdomen is disgusting and grotesque,' " Sarwer explains, he'll prompt a patient to say, " 'My abdomen is round, my abdomen is big; it's bigger than I'd like it to be.' "-  npr.org

Sigh.  Where do I begin to list the things that we say to ourselves?  We call ourselves cows, heifers, bitches, pigs... We use the mirror with the alacrity and precision of a Nazi interrogator seeking out every minute flaw, magnifying and flaying ourselves with them.

I have had the dubious privilege of being told throughout my lifetime that I am ugly.  Thing is I could never see it.  I can see that I may not conform to some commonly held standards of beauty but to my eyes that does not negate my brand of beautiful.  Guess I'm blessed that way, I see beauty in myself and in others.

I did an experiment once.  I put on the fake hair, makeup etc and stepped into a different world.  Men were falling over themselves to get the door for me, men I'd known for years were acting like teenagers with a first crush.  I learned an important lesson about packaging but the lesson makes me sad also.  A favorite quote I came across is "I can wipe your beauty off with a wet kleenex!".

But I've also had my days when I get dressed, no makeup, no fakery but inside I am feeling absolutely gorgeous.  You know those days when you just know that you're "all THAT and a bag of chips!".  Funny thing is on those days I get the same response as when I go all out with the packaging.  Whatever I am radiating from within renders the extra packaging unnecessary.

There is nothing on your face, in your hair, your complexion, your weight, your physical composition that can make you not beautiful.  Your beauty starts within and expresses itself outward.  If you feel good about yourself, if you are loving and compassionate and confident you can't help but be beautiful.

I Am Beautifully Complete Just As I am

"All my single ladies, put your hands up" - Beyonce

What can I say about our absolute need to be completed by others.  To not have a husband is sacrilege punishable by derision from women of all colors, cultures and walks of life.  Because of this fear of seeming and feeling unacceptably flawed we put up with physical, mental and emotional abuse.  We tolerate infidelity, mistreatment and misuse.  We take so much just so we can tell ourselves we are OK because we are not alone.

And we don't just need our men to complete us, we need our girlfriends, our children, even our mothers-in-law to validate who we are and what we are worth.

I wish all my sisters could say "I am beautifully and wonderfully complete just as I am"  and believe it.

I Love Me

"I don't like myself; I'm crazy about myself" - Mae West

The most powerful thing we can say to ourselves is “I love you”.  Try it in front of a mirror, does it make you smile or does your heart constrict?  It breaks my heart that so many women cannot say those words to themselves and actually believe it.

But it’s never too late to start.  Start by just saying the words to yourself, over and over, day after day until you start to believe it.  And when you start to believe it, start challenging the voices in your own head.  Start standing up for yourself and insisting that you treat yourself with the respect and dignity that you deserve.  Because if we truly love ourselves we will not tolerate the voices that tell us we are not good enough.

“The power to shape your reality lies within you, therefore the most important voice you will ever hear is your own.” – Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind

This is part 1 of a two part series, look out for part two “If Your Lips Are Moving...”.

Inspiration Links

* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to here.  The messages presented are in alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I hope that they will inspire you too.

I must commend Dove for their trend of conscious advertising.  Here is a fascinating look into the terrible things women say to themselves all the time 

Another powerful advice, woman to woman, on the issue of negative self-talk can be found at Queen of Your Own Life  

Author’s note

This post is inspired by Chapter 10 of my book Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind – Lesson 5 - Speak It In.  I hope to persuade you that the words you say to yourself are an important part of changing your mind.   If you tell yourself that you are worthy of claiming your very best life, then you will.

If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you would spread the word and like my Facebook page.  I would be so happy to email this and future posts directly to you, if you're interested please subscribe to my mailing list. You may also follow me on Twitter #ProsperityIsMind or check out my website www.prosperityismind.com

I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be a part of it.  May this be the year that you begin to speak kindly to yourself.