I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what
you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya
Angelou
We women
are complex emotional creatures. We give
a lot, we take a lot, we sacrifice a lot and we feel a lot. Nothing is more critical to the way we
feel than the way in which we speak to ourselves. The way that we are feeling within projects
outwards into our realities. We are
powerful creators and we literally change our realities based on what we tell
ourselves.
"In a 2013 study from the Netherlands,
scientists watched women with anorexia walk through doorways in a lab. The
women, they noticed, turned their shoulders and squeezed sideways, even when
they had plenty of room." - npr.org
I have been
in situations in which I was convinced that particular person(s) were out to
get me. Day after day I would see the concrete evidence that they were doing
their best to undermine, discredit and demean me. I always wondered why others did not seem to
see it as clearly as I did. It took
witnessing other people displaying the same level of insecurity, bordering on
paranoia for me to recognize what was happening. I recognized that whenever I had this
experience I was going through a phase where my confidence was faltering. My own insecurities were weaving the story
and when I needed an evil nemesis I always found one. The things I was telling myself about
myself were creating my reality.
The
horribly cruel things we say to ourselves are too many and too frequent and
they are crippling to us. It is time to
start reframing the messages we give to ourselves.
I AM Enough
“She shushed those negative voices so she could hear her Queen voice say, you are enough. “– queenofyourownlife.com
Do women come into this world with the "I
am not enough" gene? is it
encoded in the X chromosome? If asked,
almost every woman in existence can rattle off 5 - 10 ways in which she is not
enough. Not pretty enough, not skinny
enough, not smart enough, not competent enough, not loved enough, not married
enough...
It seems we are programmed to take our identities
and worth from external factors, from our parents, our husbands, our friends,
our jobs, our homes, our children, our looks...
Seems that if all these things are not perfect then we immediately get a
big 'FAIL!' on our woman card. And it is
never all perfect. Life never is.
I Am Worthy
“I'm
selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you
sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe
It’s so easy for men.
All we ask of them is that they bring home enough money to take care of
the family, show up at home every now and then and keep their penis in their
pants. We would love for them to be
clever, kind, considerate, loyal, responsible and good looking but the truth is
most of us accept that these things are options. We're willing to take almost anything from
the man we give our heart to.
So why are we so intolerant of ourselves?
Why do we expect ourselves to hold down a job, keep a
perfect home, raise perfect kids, keep our man happy, be the rock for friends
and family AND look like a runway model while we're doing it? Why are we working so hard to feel worthy?
Truth is if the beds are unmade and you're serving
take-out you are worthy. If you're
packing some extra pounds and you've never had a manicure you are worthy. If the kids are brats and your marriage is a
mess you are worthy.
Because your worth does not depend on any of these
things. You are worthy just because you
are.
I Am Loving, I am Lovable, I am Loved
"The true beauty in a woman is reflected in her
soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she
shows." - Audrey Hepburn
We were
engineered to carry, birth, nurture,
protect and care. We are wired to
inter-connect, empathize and support. We
are the very embodiment of love in human form.
Why do so many women not feel this?
I know some of
us are wounded and in order to cover our vulnerability we sometimes shut
down parts of our 'womanness'. But even at our most broken we can't help but be
lovable because we were created to be love.
Is it any
mistake that men are so powerfully stimulated by our physical form? The female form with its beautiful curves and
the comfort of its softness was created to be loved, because it is inherently
lovely.
You are
lovely, you are loving, you are lovable.. you cannot help but be loved.
I Am Beautiful
"Instead
of saying, 'My abdomen is disgusting and grotesque,' " Sarwer explains,
he'll prompt a patient to say, " 'My abdomen is round, my abdomen is big;
it's bigger than I'd like it to be.' "-
npr.org
Sigh. Where
do I begin to list the things that we say to ourselves? We call ourselves cows, heifers, bitches,
pigs... We use the mirror with the alacrity and precision of a Nazi
interrogator seeking out every minute flaw, magnifying and flaying ourselves
with them.
I have had the dubious privilege of being told
throughout my lifetime that I am ugly.
Thing is I could never see it. I
can see that I may not conform to some commonly held standards of beauty but to
my eyes that does not negate my brand of beautiful. Guess I'm blessed that way, I see beauty in
myself and in others.
I did an experiment once. I put on the fake hair, makeup etc and
stepped into a different world. Men were
falling over themselves to get the door for me, men I'd known for years were
acting like teenagers with a first crush.
I learned an important lesson about packaging but the lesson makes me
sad also. A favorite quote I came across
is "I can wipe your beauty off with a wet kleenex!".
But I've also had my days when I get dressed, no
makeup, no fakery but inside I am feeling absolutely gorgeous. You know those days when you just know that
you're "all THAT and a bag of chips!". Funny thing is on those days I get the same
response as when I go all out with the packaging. Whatever I am radiating from within renders
the extra packaging unnecessary.
There is nothing on your face, in your hair, your
complexion, your weight, your physical composition that can make you not
beautiful. Your beauty starts within and
expresses itself outward. If you feel
good about yourself, if you are loving and compassionate and confident you
can't help but be beautiful.
I Am Beautifully Complete Just As I am
"All my
single ladies, put your hands up" - Beyonce
What can I say about our absolute need to be completed by
others. To not have a husband is
sacrilege punishable by derision from women of all colors, cultures and walks
of life. Because of this fear of seeming
and feeling unacceptably flawed we put up with physical, mental and emotional
abuse. We tolerate infidelity, mistreatment
and misuse. We take so much just so we
can tell ourselves we are OK because we are not alone.
And we don't just need our men to complete us, we need
our girlfriends, our children, even our mothers-in-law to validate who we are
and what we are worth.
I wish all my sisters could say "I am beautifully
and wonderfully complete just as I am" and believe it.
I Love Me
"I don't like myself; I'm crazy about myself" -
Mae West
The most powerful thing we can say to ourselves is “I
love you”. Try it in front
of a mirror, does it make you smile or does your heart constrict? It breaks my heart that so many women cannot
say those words to themselves and actually believe it.
But it’s never too late to start. Start by just saying the words to yourself,
over and over, day after day until you start to believe it. And when you start to believe it, start
challenging the voices in your own head.
Start standing up for yourself and insisting that you treat yourself
with the respect and dignity that you deserve.
Because if we truly love ourselves we will not tolerate the voices that
tell us we are not good enough.
“The power to shape your reality lies
within you, therefore the most important voice you will ever hear is your own.”
– Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind
This is part 1 of a two
part series, look out for part two “If Your Lips Are Moving...”.
Inspiration Links
* I am in no way affiliated with the sites that I link to
here. The messages presented are in
alignment with the thoughts presented in this post and they have inspired me, I
hope that they will inspire you too.
I must commend Dove for their trend of conscious
advertising. Here is a fascinating look
into the terrible things women say to themselves all the time
Another powerful advice, woman to woman, on
the issue of negative self-talk can be found at Queen of Your Own Life
Author’s note
This post is inspired by
Chapter 10 of my book Embracing Prosperity By Changing Your Mind – Lesson 5 - Speak It In. I hope to persuade you that the words you say
to yourself are an important part of changing your mind. If you tell yourself that you are worthy of claiming your
very best life, then you will.
If you liked this post I would be so appreciative if you
would spread the word and like my Facebook page. I would be so happy to email this and future
posts directly to you, if you're interested please subscribe to my mailing list. You may also follow me on Twitter #ProsperityIsMind or check out my website www.prosperityismind.com
I bless you, I bless your journey and I am so happy to be
a part of it. May this be the year that
you begin to speak kindly to yourself.
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